Sometimes it's fairly easy to decide between two or more options. Other times, even when the aligned choice is obvious, it doesn't feel easy.
I'm reminded of a client I'll call Emilio, a physically vibrant 81 year-old widower. Emilio was active in the community, volunteering regularly around town and assisting friends with home improvement projects.
During our initial conversation, I sensed that, for the most part, Emilio led a rewarding and fulfilling life. His spiritual practices were rich, he had a broad and deep emotional awareness, he engaged often with a group of long-time friends, he was physically healthy, and financially secure. The one challenging area of Emilio's life was his relationship with his son and son's family on the east coast. The estrangement from his son and 3 grandchildren, all under the age of 7, was difficult for Emilio.
Emilio shared that although his son had agreed Emilio could visit for a few days, he was having difficulty coming to a decision.
I invited Emilio to imagine staying with this son and family and notice what he felt in his body. This was Emilio's first exposure to spiritual energy work and he wasn't initially clear on what I was asking. I suggested Emilio tune into his body and notice what he felt as he thought about staying with his son and family. Emilio described feeling tightness in his abdomen, something akin to a constricted ball.
After exploring the sensation further and inviting Emilio to observe what came to mind as he went deeper into the tightness, Emilio experienced a few memories from which arose meaningful insights. He recalled times when, as a child, Emilio had to visit a relative who was very harsh with him. Every time his parents took him to this relative while they worked extra hours, Emilio felt sad and afraid.
We continued the inquiry process and Emilio discovered the similarities between being with the relative when he was a child and spending time with his son and family. He told me of his daughter-in-law’s insistence that her husband and their 3 children not maintain a relationship with Emilio, which caused him deep sadness.
Although Emilio wanted my opinion about the trip, I continued to invite the answers to arise from within him, since those were the ones that mattered. By the end of the session, Emilio came to the conclusion that he would be honoring him Self by not visiting, even though it meant missing the changes in his grandchildren who he’d not seen in 2 years.
I also taught Emilio how to work with his inner child.
I use the inquiry process myself when I’m ambivalent about something or vacillating between options.
I ask:
“Am I being true to my Self if I ________?” “Am I honoring my spirit if I ___________?” “Will _________ hurt any aspects of my psyche?” “Is ______ in alignment with my soul?”
And, I always tune into my body to notice what sensations and thoughts arise as I contemplate a weighty decision.
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